First blog entries are a lot like first dates, aren’t they? How do I make myself seem charming enough to score a second meeting, but without giving away all of my material right away? Wit and charm and sex appeal oozes out, but how much is too much? Am I showing too much skin? Will you think me easy if I invite you back upstairs?
Well, just like every first date I have been on, all I can do here is be myself and hope for the best. Ideally, I’d like this blog to be peppered with stories of hilariously bad sexual episodes, awkward dates, and every day romantic life stories. I’d also love to dish out advice if it’s wanted, because while I may not be the best at following my own, I do believe I give great guidance.
The background: My name is Reese, and I live outside of Philadelphia, PA. I’m 28 years old, I have a 7 year old son, and I am married with the hopes of not being soon. I live in a house full of cats, a dog, and a turtle. I like to knit, am obsessed with movies, tv and music, and I have been known to read once in a while. And now that we have that out of the way…let me start off my blog with the tale of my first date.
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As adorable as I may be now, the truth is I was a terribly unattractive child. Not only that, but I was awkward and shy, and as much as I enjoyed boys, I would have much rather been home with my nose in the latest Clive Barker book than out on a date. By 7th grade, I had never really been on a date. I had had a boyfriend briefly in 6th grade, but that was more along the lines of holding hands for 5 minutes at lunch. And while that blossomed into one of my most valued school-aged friendships, it was never much more than that (unless you count touching my breast under my bra during our 8th grade field trip to Hershey Park. And I don’t).
In 7th grade I had a smallish group of friends, including Jackie, Kim, Justin and Jessy. Justin was newish to school, and HOT in the way that middle school boys in the 90’s were. Middle parted bowl cut, stone washed denim, flannel over some nerdy t-shirt- in other words, perfect. I had an insta-crush on him, and the fact that he actually wanted to be friends with me made him that much more desirable. One day Jackie let me know we were all going to go to the movies, and there would be an even number of boys and girls. WELL! I agonized for days over what I would wear, how I could make my hair look a little less horrible, if I could manage sneaking out of the house with makeup on or not. I’m not quite sure where I got the idea that Justin was to be my date, but it seemed to make sense to me. My sister drove me to Justin’s house, where we were all to meet. I don’t remember much about it, other than there was a lot of wood pannel, and a spiral staircase. The others got there, and we all piled into the back of Justin’s dad’s beat up old station wagon.
We arrived at the movies, and when we got into the theater, somehow the boys ended up in one row, the girls in another. Being completely unaware of how dates worked outside of what I had seen on Swan’s Crossing or 90210, I believed this to be normal. I suppose for 7th grade it is. The movie we saw was Mighty Ducks 3 (I think. Is that the one where they go to the Olympics? I know, I too am shocked that I can’t remember which cinematic masterpiece it was. ), and through out, gummy bears were tossed, popcorn was spilled, and sneaking between rows so boys ended up next to girls happened. Justin sat between myself and Jackie. (can you hear the foreboding music, or is that just in my head?). After the movie was over, and no hand holding happened, I was ready to go home. My sister picked me and Jessy up, and that was that. My first “date”. A lovely experience.
Come Monday, I was pretty upset. I had all weekend to dwell on the injustice of being ignored by Justin, and when I got to Algebra I learned that Jackie and Justin were now an item. WHAT THE FUCK?? I don’t know how that happened, nor did I have any clue she even liked him. So not only did I lose out on the boy, I also felt completely betrayed by my friend. Justin was in my math class, and being dense, had no idea why I was upset. After some back and forth between us, he got annoyed and began to (once again!) ignore me. I had had ENOUGH and made a comment about his hair- the snarkiest thing my 12 year old self could come up with. He was FURIOUS, and in his mind, the only thing to do was to take his pencil and stab me in the palm with it. IN THE PALM. With his pencil. It’s safe to say, looking back, I really dodged a bullet there! My only response was to kick him, hard, in the side/back, and take my bleeding hand to the teacher, who sent us both to the nurse and then principal. We both got detention, and my mom made me call him that night and apoligize. He stabbed me first, lady! On the plus side, Justin’s mom decided that the group of us were obviously too immature to handle going on dates, and he was no longer allowed to hang out with Jackie (victory was mine!).
And there you have it. My first date. Mighty Ducks 3 (or was it 2?), stabbing with a pencil that resulted in bleeding, kicks to vital organs and 2 days detention. And you know, the sad thing is, that doesn’t even begin to count as the worst date I’ve ever had.
Stay tuned for my next blog, where I will tell you all about the first time I saw a penis in real life, and why it would be another 3.5 years before I looked at another again…
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